its late and I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm just hours from being fixed. My body will be whole. No more symptoms of ptls (I hope). I have had a hard time admitting that I really really want more babies as a result of getting a reversal. But I do. Sooooo bad. I am missing some children from my family. Yes I do have 5 but I feel an emptiness.
I got a blessing tonight and I was told that the lord will guide the surgeons hands and I'll be made whole.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Almost Unbroken
It's a tad past midnight Saturday night and my surgery is so close. I'm scared and really excited to get this over with. Today is my oldest daughter Lily's birthday. She turned 13 and it was a great day. Wow a teenager in the house. It made me feel a little old. Then I start to think about why I'm getting my tubes repaired. In reality restoring my fertility means a very real chance that we could have more kids. Guess what, we really want more. Yes, it will take care of the issues I'm having at the moment. We do not feel like we are done. We have some missing family members. In a perfect world I would get my twins back. That sounds so crazy!!!! Who would wish for twins. Me I guess.
There are a lot of fears I have with getting this surgery done and it is not the surgery per say. It's the after its all done part that is scary. I have never had to think about trying to get pregnant. I don't know if the ligation will affect my fertility or if the surgery is a success or not. I believe that everything will go well and in the end we will add to our family. I just keep praying everything will go well and we will put our faith in our heavenly father.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Time Can Change Your Heart.
May 04, 2011 is a day that my life changed. I was experiencing a painful loss.
I arrived at the hospital to undergo a D&C. My body wasn't letting go of a failed pregnancy. I got a "just in case ultrasound" when we discovered that I was pregnant with 2 babies. At this moment I got really mad. I was mad at my body for failing me and these two,little lives. I couldn't let this happen again so I opted for a tubal ligation. Keep in mind I was in a very emotional state and not prepared for a decision so permanent. Regardless I left that hospital empty and broken. For along time I thought that protecting myself was the best thing I could do for me. Little did I know that that wasn't what I needed. We are made in a certain way and our bodily functions work together. I believe that by disrupting my natural flow within my body it set off a imbalance of sorts. For the last 3 years I have dealt with a number of ailments within me. I have lost and maintained my weight which has helped a lot. I still felt like I needed to put things back to where they needed to be. We have contiplated a reversal for years now. It took a lot of prayer and discussions to take the leap. I had filshie clips put on my tubes so it should be an easy fix. I saw a very experienced Dr. That will be doing the surgery. I'm very excited and nervous about my surgery. My Dr. Has done over 4000 of these surgeries and is very confident in its success. I will be going under the knife in just 11 short days.
Now what about more babies??? Well that is going to be out of my hands. If the Lord wants to bless us with more than so be it. If we are good with our 5 than that is fine. I really want to be content with whatever is intended for me and enjoy my family without a hormonal imbalance.
I will update as much as I can during my journey. I really need a place to get my feeling out as I don't know anyone that is going through what I'm going through.
I arrived at the hospital to undergo a D&C. My body wasn't letting go of a failed pregnancy. I got a "just in case ultrasound" when we discovered that I was pregnant with 2 babies. At this moment I got really mad. I was mad at my body for failing me and these two,little lives. I couldn't let this happen again so I opted for a tubal ligation. Keep in mind I was in a very emotional state and not prepared for a decision so permanent. Regardless I left that hospital empty and broken. For along time I thought that protecting myself was the best thing I could do for me. Little did I know that that wasn't what I needed. We are made in a certain way and our bodily functions work together. I believe that by disrupting my natural flow within my body it set off a imbalance of sorts. For the last 3 years I have dealt with a number of ailments within me. I have lost and maintained my weight which has helped a lot. I still felt like I needed to put things back to where they needed to be. We have contiplated a reversal for years now. It took a lot of prayer and discussions to take the leap. I had filshie clips put on my tubes so it should be an easy fix. I saw a very experienced Dr. That will be doing the surgery. I'm very excited and nervous about my surgery. My Dr. Has done over 4000 of these surgeries and is very confident in its success. I will be going under the knife in just 11 short days.
Now what about more babies??? Well that is going to be out of my hands. If the Lord wants to bless us with more than so be it. If we are good with our 5 than that is fine. I really want to be content with whatever is intended for me and enjoy my family without a hormonal imbalance.
I will update as much as I can during my journey. I really need a place to get my feeling out as I don't know anyone that is going through what I'm going through.
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